Connections Between Mothers

So far i read a couple blog post talked about their mother’s childhood memories.All three and including my own blog post explains out mother’s childhood memories and how our mother’s stories had a hard life. One example is Phuong Ha’s blog post. She explained about how her mother grew up in Vietnam and how she worked day and night. She said, “When I was a kid like you, I had nothing. I worked hard all day long in return for a scoop of ice-cream, not a bowl, but a spoonful.” She explained that her mother did not have anything. She had to work day and night just to get one spoon full of ice cream. It proves that life during our parents had a harder life. They needed to work for everything.

Phuong’s mother’s life is similar to my mother’s life. My mom did not have everything. Even though she did not work for the things she needed, it was still hard to get. “My mom side of the family had very little money. My mom’s parents worked day and night at the market trying to sell fishes, so that there is enough food for everyone in the table.” Same as Phuong’s story, my mother had a hard life too. She did not work for it, but her parents did. They did their best to put food in the table and for their children to have food in their stomachs. During our parents times, they need to work for everything they need. Not like my generation, we are just waiting for things to come. It’s hard to believe that during Phuong and my mother’s childhood, they need to work at a young age.

Same as Shiyun’s mother. When her mother was, she needed to work and go to school. She said, “They took jobs and went to school at the same time.” Shiyun’s story about her mother is similiar to my mother’s story and Phuong’s mother. All three mothers had hard life. One mother did not have education, the other had to work for school, and lastly had had education but not enough for money. All Three mothers had or barely any education and the connection is that their life was much harder than my generations.

The Apple Does Not Fall from the Tree

In The Joy Luck Club, a cycle of enforcement has occurred. In the sections of the daughters they described their experiences of their mothers forcing them to do certain things that they did not want to do. It is similar to the mother’s sections because they were also forced in doing things they did not want to do. From the mother’s childhood of enforcement, then pass on the feeling of force to their daughters.

In The Red Candles, Lindo was forced to get married with a guy she did not have any special connection. She was forced to this marriage because it would be best for her. Lido said, “ This is how i became betrothed to Huang Taitia’s son... his name was Tyan-yu... But even if had known i was getting such a bad husband, I had no choice, now or later,” (Tan 51). Since she had no choice because of the match maker told her parents and Tyan-yu’s parents that they would be a great match, they arrange the marriage. For Lindo, the experience was horrible and impacted her life. It made her to stand for her self. “ It was really quite simple. I made Huang think it was their idea to get rid of me, that they would be the ones to say the marriage contract was not valid. I though about my plan for many days. I have observed everyone around me,.. and then i was ready,” (Tan 63). With her plan trying to get out the horrible marriage, it was a way of Lindo telling the Tyan-yu and his family that they do not belong with each other and she deserve better. With the events that happened to Lindo when she was a teenager, similar events occurred to Waverly Jong.

Waverly Jong is the daughter of Lindo Jong. She was too forced in doing things she did not like. At Rules of the Game, Waverly talked about how her mother forced her in playing chess. Her mother forced her to keep playing chess because Lindo believed that it would make her daughter’s life much better, but after a while Waverly got tired of playing chess. “I no longer played in the alley of Waverly Place. I never visited the playground where the pigeons and old men gathered. I went to school, then directly home to learn new chess secrets...,” (Tan 98). After winning tournaments and becoming a national chess champion, she barely had time to be a child. With her mom always in her back watching every move she made, she cannot do or say fun, including that her mother made her like a trophy to show off to everyone that looked at Lindo. Soon enough Waverly finally told her mother, enough is enough. She stood to her mother and told her that she has had it with the practice, tournaments and to flaunt her to everyone. “One day, after we left a shop i said under my breath, ‘i wish you wouldn’t do that, telling everybody I’m your daughter.’...’It’s just so embarrassing’,” (Tan 99). After saying that to her mother, he gave a sense of relief, but also guilt because she told her mother she was embarrassing in public. It is similar to Lindo’s childhood, on forced marriage. She forced her daughter in playing chess after it got less interesting. Also that they both stood for themselves, so that they would get out of a situation they would not be in. It concludes as the apple does not fall from the tree.

The book was structured to have similar experiences that the mothers had in their childhood and also the daughters. Like in Red Candles and Rules of the Games, Waverly Jong had similar feelings and actions as her mother Lindo Jong did. Because at Lindo’s story she had expericed force and her for her to get out of the situation she need to stand up for her self. Same has Waverly, Lindo forced to keep on playing chess even though it was less interesting, she was forced to continue playing. Until she told her mother that she had enough of playing chess. And so the apple does not fall from the tree.

My Fam Bam History

All I could say about my family history, that is different from my childhood. For the assignment I interviewed my mother, Emilie Escobar , before her name was Emilita B. Herrera. I interviewed her about her childhood, and how it was like. Her childhood is really different from my childhood life. My mother’s childhood was mainly about separation, persevering in education, family, and money.

My mom’s family had thirteen children, (six boys, six girls;one was a miscarriage, and two died before reaching their teen years) that makes them ten in total. My grandparents were very conservative and religious. They both were very hard on their children, but they never spank their children. One example is that my mom and her siblings had to be inside the house before six in the evening or if they heard their parent’s whistle really loud that means its time to go home. And if they were late for dinner, bad things would happen. They are also deeply religious, their religion was Catholic. My grandfather would read this little booklet that had prayers in them and she would read it out load before they go to sleep every night. My mom’s family was strict, timid, and holy people, but they are not rich.

My mom side of the family had very little money. My mom’s parents worked day and night at the market trying to sell fishes, so that there is enough food for everyone in the table. (Just imagine, having ten children and just having the right amount of money to feed and make them attend public school. Is a lot to handle.) The money was enough for everyone’s food, for breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner. Including the some of money to pay going to the education of my aunts and uncles.

To their family, education is key to a great and complete life. They believed that by getting a full education and having good grades in school, will help their family move up from poverty to a higher status in life. My mom’s parents did everything they could to get money, just for their children to have a complete education. Money was not the issue, but it was hard to handle.

When my mom was a child she did not live with her parents. She lived with her older brother (Kuya) Renato (Tito (Uncle) Nato). Her brother already had his own family and can provide for his own. Ever since my mom was little, she would get sick multiple times in a year. She almost did not finish her education because she would alaways get sick. There was one time where she and her mother went to the market and she felt dizzy, its not because she is hungry, thirsty, or the heat; once in a while she would just randomly faint. So her parents decided that it would be best for her to stay with her brother because he was a lawyer and could pay for all hospital bill, (In the Philippines there is no such thing as medical insurance) and that it would be much safer and better than her parent’s house. She would get sick, but not as much when she stayed with her parents. She got sick very often and there was one time she when she went to a state similar to “coma”. She was just asleep all day long for a week, and she told me that she opened her eyes and she saw bright light shinning in the corner and she was the only one could see the bright light. As she get closer to it got smaller and smaller, but turns out it was just a dream, then she woke up from her “coma” and the bright light was not there any more. The dream she had meant that it was not time for her to leave earth and she still has to fulfill her life. Including the time that she drop out of college for a while because she kept getting sick before the finals. she would get sick and so some of her classes she took was incomplete and some classes she passed because she had high grades. With her sickness interfering with her education she decided to stop schooling.

When my mom went back to her parents house, it was around the end of high school years. She went because her brother Nato already passed away and her sister-in-law treated her like a monkey. It was time to reconnect with her parents and her nine brother and sisters. When she arrived home, her brothers and sister were not very welcoming. They would tell her hindi ka aari dito! or hindi ikaw ang aking kapatid! Which in English means “you do not belong here” and “you are not my sister”, these insults made my mom felt like an outsider from her family, so it just made her work harder to gain their trust and love. So over the coarse of years, she did gain their trust and love, and made her feel the oldest because she would deal with her siblings problems and act as if she is the oldest, even though she is the second to the youngest. She grew up in house that was conservative, religious, and loving; which, helped to became a successful woman. And became a mature woman that has to be my mom.

By the time she got used to the way things were at her parents house, she learned to work hard for her own. Because when she was living with her brother and his family she was treated like a daughter to him. Kuya Nato did not like the fact she did chores around the house because she might get sick, and he wanted her to focus on school work. When she got back, she did not have as much as she did in her brother’s house hold. In all meals, the food was enough for everyone. The parents did their best to make everything equal, so that there would not be any conflicts about who got more or less. Everyone had equal portion of food, for lunch she only plain rice, but it was very rare for them to have ulam which is a type of dish that goes with rice. They barely had any food every day for school.

My mom’s childhood was very different from my childhood and current life. Her parents was deeply Catholic and conservative.My life is not like her childhood, I more have freedom and Independence. Not like her, she has to be home by six pm unless she is going to out with friends, but she has to be back in a certain time. My life is similar to her’s, when I ’m out with my friends I need to be home by a certain. If it’s with my Church friends and the event we went to is during the evening, i just need to call her if we have to stay a little longer because of the event or we are going out to eat, but if its with my school friends and were out in the middle of the afternoon i need to be back home before or by five pm. The similarities is that the parents need to know who we are with, or they would not let us go out. The other difference is that i did not live a family member because i get sick to often. Because when i often get sick like my mother when she was a child, i went straight to the emergency room and was later moved into a private room. Not my mom, her family could not provide a private room like i did, probably in the room she was at there are at least four to six people in there. They did not have the money for a private room. I guess after my mom lived a life that had trouble with money, a life that did not give her everything she needed, a life that gave her full of love; she wanted me to have much more. She wanted me to have a life that is satisfying.

My mom has been telling me about her childhood ever since i learned how talk. She would talk about how her family was very poor and they all depended on education for them to have a better life, that they had a spot in the market and they were selling fishes, and so on. My mother’s childhood is has a significant affect to me because her life was full of hard work, blood and tears has been shed just for food in the table. While I’m complaining at home we have no food because i did not like the food. I guess during my mom’s generation they learned to work hard on something, while my generation of kids has been only about technology, new things, and laziness. I just shows that the two generation are completely different. My mother’s generation is full of conservatives and persevering people, while in my generation we have more of a open mid on things and a little but more lazy. My mom’s generation and my generation are both incompatible because both is different from each other.

Similaties and Difference of Amy Chua and Joy Luck Mothers

Amy Chua’s article about being a "great" Chinese mother has some similarities to the book Joy Luck Club written by Amy Tan. In Joy Luck Club the mothers would treat their daughters like they are items to show off. In the Rules of the Game, Waverly Jong felt the same way. She felt that her mother was showing her off until on day she had enough of her mother showing her off. “My mother placed my first trophy next to the a new plastic chess [...] As she wiped each piece with a soft cloth, she said, ‘Next time win more, lose less’,”(Tan 97). Waverly’s mother only cared about her winning instead of being proud of her. It just proves that her mother is like Amy Chua. They both want their daughter(s) to be best so that they could represent their family name. Same thing happened in Amy Chua’s article titled Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior. She believed that chines parents are very strict and know that fun equals to working hard“What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work [..],”. Amy Chua’s thinking of Chinese mothers are the same as in the mothers in Joy Luck Club. They both force their daughters to do things that they do not want to do. They want to make their children to be perfect, so that within the future their kids would be independent and could stand on their own. But not all things are the same.

Even though there is a similarities in both reading, both are still different. The difference is that Joy Luck seems to be a little looser than Amy Chua. Because Amy Chua went all extreme, she made her daughter practice day and night their instrument and she did not let them go to any socialization with their friends or classmates.

"Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, [and] play any instrument other than the piano or violin”

. Amy Chua is much tougher than the mothers in Joy Luck Club, because they only have on goal as a parent is to make their children to be perfect. She expects a lot more in her daughter, she does these things because wanted her kids to be a prodigy. Same as in Two kinds at Joy Luck, Jing Mei Woo’s mother expected her as a prodigy when she was little girl. “‘Of course you can be prodigy, too,’ my mother told me when I was nine,”(Tan 132). Her made her do things that she did not want to do. She wanted to be a kid and play around all day long, but her mother wanted her to be a prodigy. But the difference in these two is that Amy Chua is harder on her children, but in Amy Tan’s book, the mothers are only expected on thing from their child, was to be perfect.

The Joy Luck Club and Amy Chua has the similarities because they both wanted to expect their daughters to be perfect and intelligent. But the difference is that Amy Chua is harder on her daughter, while the Joy Luck mothers are expecting their children to be perfect.

Standing Up = Falling

From my observation of the introduction of the The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates, it the beginning of the daughter’s independence. They stood up to their parents, especially to their mothers. On the introduction the little girl demanded her mother to tell her about they The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates book, but her mother ignored her. She rebelled against her mother, by riding her bike - even though her mother restricted her not too - and before she got to the corner, she fell. This part of the introduction connects to Rules of the Game. After all the time her mom has forced her to focus on playing chess, to give her own room, and did less chores, she told her mother that she was embarrassing. “ One day. after we left a shop i said underneath my breath, ‘ I wish you wouldn’t do that, telling everybody I’m your daughter,’”(Tan 99). With her mother being a show off because her daughter is a International Chess Player, and she got tired of it. She was annoyed by her mother always showing her off to people, even though they were just shopping. Her mother puts her on the spotlight to much, and she is sick of it. This was the first time a child has spoken up to a parent.

In the other hand, towards the end of the introduction explains about the girl falling because she did not listen to her mother. It is similar to Waverly Jong’s story of Rules of the Game. After she stood up to her mother about her being embarrassing and a show off ,she felt guilty and ran away from her mother’s arms.

“I raced down the street, dashing between people, not looking back as my mother screamed shrilly, “Memimei! Meimei! [...] The alleys contained no escape routes. [...] I imagined my mother mother, first walking briskly down one street to another looking for me, then giving up and returning home to await my arrival. [...] i stood up on cracking legs and slowly walked home,” (Tan 99-100)

. After having a terrible fight with her mother and running away from her, she had a guilt trip. She felt bad the she ran away and starting to think about her mother looking for her. Even though she stood up to her mother, it gave her a sense that she was wrong. That she should of left the the conversation after she said “I knew it was a mistake to say anything more [...], “ (Tan 99). She realized the she was wrong after running away. Like the little girl from the introduction, after standing up to her mother, she ended falling off her bike. I think the moral lesson of the introduction is that even though we start being independent or standing up on own, we would fall and someone has to catch us.